The 10 Characteristics of a Good Relationship

Adapted from my textbook.....

1) Good motives for the relationship: The motive for the relationship was love and genuine concern for the other person. Not for reasons such as escaping a negitive situation or accomplishment of a selfish end.

2) Common goals: Those who share or establish common goals over time and show that they can work interdependenly have stronger relationships. You and your partner may have different goals, but this is good because it facilitates a bond that comes from having and recognizing these goals.

3) Sensitivity to each other's needs: Everyone has different needs. If a relationship is to work people must pay attention to and honor as best they can the needs of the other. A relationship that is one sided in terms of needs is not a loving relationship.

4) A liking for the other's culture: Each member of the couple must "enjoy," but not prefer the other's culture and find ways to express this. This doesn't necessarily have to do with only culture it could also pertain to hobbies and interests as well.

5) Flexibility: Being flexible involves taking turns, sometimes it involves an active negotiation of how to handle situations, but it always allows for the positive acceptance of unexpected frustrations.

6) Solid, positive self-image: When people are comfortable with themselves, they are more easily able to quit worrying about themselves and focus on the relationship. Those with poor self-image often become dependent in negative ways on others in a relationship and seek to control the other person so they will meet their dificencies.

7) Spirit of adventure: A desire to do and experience new things. At some point we need to be willing to move beyond what is comfortable.

8) Ability to communicate: Couples must be willing to keep communicating, eventually work out differences and get important messages across to each other. Be clear in your own mind about what is important and what needs to be expressed. Even in times of upset or disagreement try to communicate in ways that confirm the importance of the other person in your life.

9) Commitment to the relationship: Every relationship has good and bad times. The key to a loving relationship is the commitment that gets people through the bad times. The commitment to the relationship that doesn't let us just give up or avoid further contact is a sign that people love or value each other enough to make it through the hard times. Also relationships need to involve enough commitment to overcome the outside pressures that often arise from other people.

10) Sense of humor: People should never take themselves or their problems too seriously. As a relationship matures the ability to use and appreciate appropriate humor grows. The ability to laugh together (or share emotions) creates a positive, loving connection. The kind of humor that promotes a loving relationship is the kind that both share and enjoy, rather than the type in which one person suffers for the sake of the other's wit.

*virtually no couple has all ten of these factors operating at one time, or ever, but the more of them they have the more happy and fulfilling the relationship.

-tink